NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
