Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
