I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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