Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
