wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
