i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
