When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
