so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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