I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were destined to go to rehab together
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
