she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
