why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
