We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
