You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
