Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
