those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
