i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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