Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Couch. On fire.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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