So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
