Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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