Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize