I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
