you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
