Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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