At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
