i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
