Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
