I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
