I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
