she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
