I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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