where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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