Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
