btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
