maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
