thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
