Pappa wants mamma naked
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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