Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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