Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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