Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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