It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
