Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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