Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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