It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
