called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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