Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
