can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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