Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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