Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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