ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
