Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i've created a new STD.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
