haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
