i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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