shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
