My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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