i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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