Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize