Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
