HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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