I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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