I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I FOUND THE LEGS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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