If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
