Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
