LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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