we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
