Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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