we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
