She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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