I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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