He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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