I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize