Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
