Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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