: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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