we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
