You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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