she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
