Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
