Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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