There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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