When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
