Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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