i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
