My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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