You smell like stripper and shame
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
