i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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