but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
