The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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