If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
