I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
