4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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