she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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