Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
