I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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