Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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