he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
