I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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