Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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