I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
