had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
bring money and cleavage
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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