I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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