I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
