she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
