pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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