You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
