is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
