I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
