I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
